Why don't I go to the opera... or even the theater enough..

I have trouble connecting with live performance arts...from opera, to theater...

Why?  because it moves me too deeply.. It is my passion.. it is my skill.. it reminds me of what I have chosen to not do and it fans the flames of jealousy when I see others partake...

and it does not support my practical life demands for family, money, even ministry.

There is something here that is troubling... almost like  cancer in a performer's livelihood.   I spent last week performing. (LSMF) I was indeed alive.  I explored.  I created.  I performed as the specific, beloved, first born, Christian... as I am made...   #LSMF2017

Was it self serving?  of course it was..   but I am a performer... that natural performance instinct is at my core.

There is an element of self loathing in a whining commentary such as mine.  There is also a brutal honesty.  I can't partake of something I can't control.  If the spark fans into a forest fire, and destroys all... in my world view, that destruction is human.. not divine.

I commit to do better.. to connect more going forward.. to Be Alive...

Reference:  Firestarter


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