Flawed but honest: Holy Night
Christmas Eve puts a special kind of pressure on singers. I honestly want to sing my best for all the right reasons. I recognize that my contribution to the service is about honoring God and celebrating Jesus' birth. At the same time, I can become consumed with a psychosis about singing a song like O Holy Night which is the beloved Christmas moment of so many. I LOVE singing the song, but it never seems to come out the way I intend. Invariably, I mess up the words, or overpower some subtle line which I am likely the only one paying attention too anyway. The details seem to get in the way so often and I start "in a mental hole".
I sang last night, and I enjoyed making music and contributing to a lovely service. When I listened to the recording this AM, I wasn't pleased at all. For me, the sound was "too far back", the pace a bit frantic at times, and the lines became disjointed all too often. My excuses continue and are disabling and discouraging on many levels. This led me to think that I should not post it for anyone else to hear, but then I remembered the smiles of the congregation and the tears of so many friends. I didn't set out to be "great", I set out to sing and share my heart for Christ through a glorious gift of music.
We, as artists and musicians have to let our art stand for what it is. My song last night was an exploration of sound, story, and love bound by emotional thread and unimaginable power all expressed in the story of a simple birth. Musically, it may have been flawed, but my intentions were honest, and I can and will practice to improve. If God allows, perhaps I'll get another chance next year, or even sooner.
Merry Christmas to all!