How do you deal with emotional issues/problems.. particularly with other people? Is there a framework for this sort of problem solving. I believe that we have to be proactive and avoid issues, rather than just react and problem solve. Framework is the same no matter when we engage...

I don't claim to be wise on the subject, but I have had some limited success.. like most of us. I haven't had any training on counseling or problem resolution either so I'd be interested to hear other thoughts. Any approach to these steps has to first evaluate the issue and relationship itself.. is there a hierarchy? are the parties truly equal ever?

#1 rule: Absolute HONESTY and timing are critical. Waiting to have a difficult discussion is rarely a good idea, unless there is an objective reason for "cooling off". In my experience, time just increases the pain for serious issues.
2. DIALOGUE is key along with respect. Appreciate the other persons' perspective and give them a chance to react and respond.
3. Look to the FUTURE. Search for objective solutions.. tangible things that each of you can do to improve.
4. FORGIVE! Extracting your "pound of flesh" doesn't actually help.
5. APOLOGIZE! Fault is almost always a two way street! Accept it and move on..

If you can't do these things, then there is little hope for resolution. The decision to not reconcile is actually the decision to terminate the relationship. Grow up and accept that there are consequences to EVERY DECISION. Respect other's choices right along with yours...

This applies to churches, workplace and team dynamics, marriages, musical ensembles and performance decisions, and even driving. If we choose to be proactive in our approach and communications/actions, then the little issues can be dealt with before they grow out of control. In conjunction with that idea.. if the fire is truly out of control, sometimes you need to evacuate and get help. Either way, perspective and awareness are key to making a proactive decision.


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