Identity vs Outcome

Returning to the grind of the corporate machine today, it dawned on me
that I am a very different person from the perception of those around
me... Only this year, have I begun to be honest about my thoughts and
ideas, and yes my "identity". In the past, I was afraid that allowing
my musical career to become public at work would somehow undermine my
credibility as a technologist. Focusing on my relationship with God
and the importance of church and ministry is another thing, very
difficult to deal with in the secular "corporate" world. I don't
always act in the same manner at work that I would have in other
environments.. I have to believe that I am not alone here... Am I
simply searching for an excuse, maybe.. but I think I am pretty much
right down the middle with this being honest to myself and others idea.

When we deny our self ... Is this the problem? Is there a way to share
more of who we are without compromising who people think we are? People
as a whole, jump to judgment all too quickly.. I know.. I do it too.
The ethics of manipulating who people think we are seems wrong, but we
all do it every day on some level... we play our parts... We do the
right thing.. but the right thing is not always so clear is it... A
business is not a church, it is not a charity... It is a job, and we
owe our company. We fulfill our part of the contract and it pays us.
This is good thing, or at least it is not an evil thing. An honest
approach to work, for wages, is appropriate. But, we must get better
at being honest with the people around us. We must be more authentic in
linking our public lives with our private lives... Relationships with
people are the key to success.. that hasn't changed, no matter how much
"machine/system" we inject into our world. People are paramount. I need
to learn to better appreciate diversity of thoughts and beliefs... and
find a way to tie this back to my intense and passionate faith.. There
has to be a way to be more inclusive, without compromising personal
integrity and judgement... or maybe not.....

We set up a wall, a communication barrier, when we aren't honest one
another... This "play acting" is what we all publicly despise and
ridicule, yet we each "feed the beast" each time we buy into the idea
that we are somehow better or worse than others around us...We somehow
try to convince ourselves that we are better than the guy who lost his
job, who got laid off, who didn't get his deliverable completed... I
buy into this line of thinking on most levels.. Some people have it and
others don't.. seems to almost be the American way...it is so easy to
say and think this... The work, the outcome, is the great equalizer...
Some people do get more done than others.. some people can do more
than others.. we are compensated for our contribution and something
tells me that this is ultimately fair, and ultimately flawed.

I seem to have painted myself into a corner here.. and this line of
thinking, justifying value by contribution seems inherently man made...

God loves us for who we are, not what we do. We love our children in
that same way, for who they are, often despite what they do... We are
proud, we want them to be the best, to have the best.. but what is the
best..

Ahhh, now that is something for another day... Stay tuned same bat
time, same bat channel.. you know the rest.. :)

Topic for the future: What is the best? What does it mean to be the
best, versus doing your best? Which is more valuable? Does it even
matter in the grand scheme of things? Okay, okay.. now I am definitely
ranting..

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